We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
