shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
