i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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