Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
