you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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