If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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