Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
