I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
