whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just invented taco cereal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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