Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
