i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
