Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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