At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
