I wanna passion pit in your ass
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
