Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
