"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
