i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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