Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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