Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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