this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
