Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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