when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
