You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
