Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
