This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
