U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
