i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
