I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We need to get me chipped asap
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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