Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
