Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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