I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
