Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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