I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
