glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
