I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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