i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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