She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
