You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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