i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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