After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I want is dick and wine.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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