respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
