totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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