But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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