Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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