One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
