you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
