So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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