I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
