I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
