i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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