You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
