No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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