ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
