My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
