the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
