oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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